Me and My Heart
by CoffeeRambler
Summary: Tom Riddle grows up in an orphanage with a girl who becomes his best friend,confidant and eventually, his lover. How will this affect the original HP timeline?


Dear Reader,

In this story I seek to give the villain of the Harry Potter series some humanity. I will always think of Voldemort as a young man who has a soul; he is capable of anger, fear, sadness, and even love. He will still do horrific things but what I hope to communicate to you all is that I don't think that makes him bad or unlovable.

The majority of my preparation for this project dealt with considering who would be able to love Tom Riddle/ Voldemort and who could he love in return? Would it be someone very similar to him or someone different? I based this choice off of my own experience with love and relationships, so it could very well be a perspective you disagree with.

I have done a lot of research into childhood attachment and human development, both of which contribute to who we will become as adults, and based on this research I don't believe that the canon Tom Riddle could fall in love if he had a childhood devoid of love, happiness, or compassion. With this in mind I sought to create a childhood that would lead to a happier, more fulfilling adult life for him and for our heroine.

I encourage you, reader, to think critically of this work and to share your thoughts with me, positive or negative. And please enjoy our shared journey of love and loss and the exploration of a deeply misunderstood character.

Chapter 1

It was September the first and two young people, a boy and a girl, sat in a small room, in a small orphanage, in the dirtiest neighborhood of London. The boy was tall and fair skinned, with dark hair and dark eyes. The girl standing behind him was gangly with adolescence and without conventional beauty. Her hair was a light shade of auburn that could be confused for rust and was gathered in a simply plait at the nape of her neck. Her face was round and open with a smattering of freckles across her cheeks and nose and a chin that was altogether too small. Neither had spoken for quite some time and the only sounds shared between the two were the soft snips of scissors as she finished trimming his hair. When she was sure the job was done, she brushed a towel over his neck and ran her fingers lightly through his hair to shake out the stray strands. It was the first day of term for students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and Ramona Selwyn and Tom Riddle meant to look their best, which to them meant to look as little like orphans as possible.

Sunlight beat insistently through Ramona's thin curtains, illuminating the motes of dust that swirled around the room to the rhythm of their breathing. The bedroom resembled a hothouse more than it did a living space. Over the years she had collected flowers and succulents and planted them in whatever containers she could find. This ranged from actual clay pots to everyday items like aluminum cans, broken tea cups and glass jars. She had become very talented over the years in nurturing small plants that had no business being cultivated. It was also a talent that Tom could never keep from indulging by procuring seeds that had been swiped from the farmers market or uprooting recently planted flowers from their beds to bring to Ramona on her birthday. She never complained of her gifts though, because she knew how hard he worked to keep her happy.

"One day," Tom promised her. "Your flowers will not be stolen. You will have the money to buy a whole forest of daffodils and poppies, and you won't have to keep them in soup cups"

"Are you ready to go?" Tom asked as he stood and brushed his hands over the front of his trousers and straightened his collar. Ramona did the same with her skirt and blouse, hoping she didn't look as bedraggled as she felt.

"Yes, please" she replied, smiling with amusement as Tom bent to pick up both of their trunks. "Do you need help with those?"

Tom answered with a snort and hefted the bags into his arms, turning to walk out of the room. "The cab should be here soon." He replied as he hurried down the stairs, Ramona quick on his heels.

"I'll meet you at the gate in a second, I just need to run downstairs and tell Mrs. Cole that we're leaving."

"I keep telling you that you don't have to notify her of our absences, she's no long in any authority over us." Tom argued.

"It doesn't matter, Tom, it's common courtesy to say goodbye." Ramona corrected as she followed Tom through the foyer and held the front door open. Ramona noted as the late summer breeze blew in that London had somehow managed to smell less vile than usual. There were the faint sounds of children playing outside, the sounds of car motors and construction workers and an instant happiness that only came with a sunny, cloudless day.

Tom didn't seem to notice or appreciate any of that as he brushed past her with his load. Romona stood and watched him stride away for a moment, admiring his taut muscles and purposeful step down the broken sidewalk. She never forgot for a moment that her best friend was also an incredibly powerful man, someone who didn't give much credence to manners or the opinions of others unless it suited him. Tom was always so stable, very sure of where his life was headed and what he wanted out of the world, and he had always been clear that Ramona was along for the ride.

At that moment Tom turned towards her with a raised eyebrow as if he knew exactly what she was thinking, which he undoubtedly did. Ramona hastily turned away and left to go find the matron of the orphanage, Mrs. Cole.

Mrs. Cole was a perpetually cross woman who had spent too many years looking after unwanted children in the orphanage. Her bitterness and apathy for the wellbeing of others were evident on her face in the lines and creases, appearing as if to have been etched in with a blunt knife. For years the woman had shown absolutely no interest in the two peculiar children, ever since Professor Dumbledore had shown up with their Hogwarts letters. The story Professor Dumbledore had fed the old woman was that the two children had been chosen for an elite preparatory school for exceptional children, but Ramona was sure that Mrs. Cole knew something of their exceptionalities. Mrs. Cole did not openly hate them, but it was clear from her behavior that she felt the two "special children" were no longer worth her time or trouble.

When Ramona became upset and angry over the matron's behavior, it was Tom who sat there holding her hand and reminding Ramona that they were magical children, they didn't need muggle affection anymore!

"She's just jealous that she's not...like us," Tom assured her, glancing at the door that separated them from the rest of the children. In those days, Ramona would often hide away in Tom's room for privacy. The other children disliked him so much that he had never had a roommate, so Ramona never had to worry about prying eyes or unwanted questions when she was with Tom. "Did you know, today I was reading the Daily Prophet- you know, the newspaper for people like us- and it said that the Minister of Magic is more than 100 years old!"

Tom had taken a strong interest in the new world that they belonged to. The morning after the letters from Hogwarts arrived, Tom had left at first light in search of the Leaky Cauldron. It had been an entire day of anxiety for Ramona- not knowing precisely where Tom was nor understanding how to know if he were in trouble and so she had been incensed when Tom returned home with nothing more to boast from his outing than a wrinkled old newspaper he had scavenged from a wastebin. Once she was assured that Tom was safe and well, Ramona became furious that he hadn't brought her along and made certain that he was aware of her feelings on the matter, but Tom had made it up to her by taking her to the wizarding world next day, and the next, and the next...

"But what does that have to do with Mrs. Cole?" Ramona asked.

"Well, I imagine she'll die very soon." Ramona gasped at his casual reference to their caretaker's demise. "We, however, will live for a very, very long time."

Ramona shook herself out of her reverie as she knocked on the matrons office door. When she heard a voice of invitation, she quickly opened the door and stepped inside.

"Hello? Yes, what is it, girl?" Mrs. Cole was on a chair trying to reach a box on the top shelf of her cabinet. She was a small woman with a mean complexion and a propensity to glare at others for no other reason than boredom. Her hair was grey and thin, Ramona could even see the blue veins popped out of the woman's pale scalp through the wisps. Perspiration dotted her forehead and Ramona thought not for the first time how undignified it was to be a muggle.

"Mrs. Cole, I am sorry to interrupt you, but Tom and I are leaving for school. We've both cleaned our rooms and taken our luggage to the street, do you need anything before we leave?" At times it pained Ramona to speak with such deference towards a woman who had made her life more difficult out of spite, but her breeding and self-worth left no other option.

"No, no, I can ask the other children. Do you have money for the cab?" the small woman kept her back to Ramona as she continued to reach for the box and made no move to come down or give Ramona the money that she was half-heartedly offering.

"There's no need, madam, we've already covered the costs. I'll just leave you to your work now, see you next summer." Ramona didn't wait to hear a response, but left the room as quickly as she could. As she walked down the hallway towards the front door she passed children running and playing. Of course, all playing stopped as she neared, another side-affect of keeping Tom Riddle's company.

She wasn't disappointed that she had no friends to say goodbye to at the orphanage. The other orphans had stayed away from Tom for as long as Ramona could remember, and her by extension, and that was fine. Upon realizing that she was special, Ramona figured that she was better off without further muggle taint anyway. And as for the loneliness of her childhood, Ramona had always believed that it had been a stroke of luck to find a friend like Tom. To ask for anything more on top of that would be ungrateful.

As Ramona stepped outside she realized that the cab was there and the trunks were already loaded inside. Tom had been waiting for her.

"Well," Tom sighed as she slid into the back seat beside him. "That took longer that I wanted it to. What did Mrs. Cole have to say? Was she beside herself with grief? Perhaps I should go and say goodbye too?" Tom said with a singular raised eyebrow and a curved lip. He seemed to receive immense pleasure from teasing her.

"She was as recalcitrant as ever, as I'm sure you know." Ramona ruled out sulking for the car ride. She was in far too good a mood to spend the morning in a fit, they were finally going back to Hogwarts!

"Well, maybe next year you'll remember that the old cow is not worthy of your attentions." Tom kissed her on the head as if to remind her who was worthy of her attentions.

"And maybe we'll just repeat the whole process over again" Ramona laughed and Tom made a dramatically pained face.

The two continued to discuss and make jokes in hushed whispers on their way to Kings Cross. The cabbie made eyes at them in his rear-view mirror, but Ramona paid him no mind and instead leaned heavily on Tom's arm as he attempted to talk her out of taking Divination.

"The wacky teaching that class has clearly never had experience in fortune telling if this is the book she felt was appropriate for your class" Tom argued as he flipped through The Dream Oracle by Inigo Imago. Ever the responsible student, Tom had made a trip to Diagon Alley the day they had received their text lists from the school nearly a month ago. They had taken the opportunity to read through the material and make detailed notes in preparation for class discussion. As it was their sixth year, both Tom and Ramona were to begin taking their N.E.W.T level courses. Ramona had enrolled in a large amount of N.E.W.T.s including D.A.D.A., Potions and Herbology. Tom had decided to take a more challenging workload, enrolling in N.E.W.T. level Arithmancy, Alchemy, and Ancient Runes in addition to the main workload. Ramona loved to brag that he was taking nine NEWTS and would undoubtedly pass all of them, he was the top student in their year afterall. They were just in the middle of discussing their upcoming apparition classes when the car stopped at the station.

Ramona thanked the driver as Tom quickly hauled their luggage to the roadside and found a cart. Once they were set and on their way to platform 9 ¾ Ramona began to feel the excitement of homecoming. The train station was busy with activity, both from muggles going about their business and magic folk on their way to school. Without any pause, Tom held onto Ramona's hand as they walked towards the pillar between platforms 9 and 10.


End file.
